Five years ago, I left prison after eighteen years incarcerated, which were life-changing years. Gone was the skinny teen with the “no fucks given” attitude, who focused on emotions and anger. Gone was the desire to have it all like fast cash and a street-mentality and lifestyle. I’ve replaced that lifestyle with a more levelheaded approach and humble practice. After eighteen years behind bars, the world had changed, and so had I.
My first day out of prison was like a dream. Imagine your greatest day, something akin to a birthday because you are celebrated, but also like a family reunion because it’s nothing but loved ones in your presence.
I soaked it all in and shook hands while cherishing every moment of it and prayed for this sweet dream to never end.
The next day, I got a job. It was a role in food services, and I was proud to have gotten it – especially after everyone told me how hard it would be to get a job. Securing a job hadn’t been hard for me. This pattern of jumping back and forth from food service to factory became a constant.
I would do six months at one, then find another company and roll with them. I was looking for a spark in employers that really was not there. I started to understand how people adjust to the everyday grind and do the best they can. You endure because you have bills, responsibilities, and other obligations that must be met. No one prepared me for my return. I felt unprepared.
So I took the bitter with the sweet, learned the lessons from my mistakes as well as others, found purpose, and educated myself to be worthy and ready for the blessings that I knew would come.
I disciplined myself so once free I would be able to resist any temptations and not get caught back up in a system that has no understanding or forgiveness for my circumstances. But I wasn’t prepared for more struggle. I realized how hard it is for the everyday person to juggle the stress of life. It is a part of life.
Now I am a regular working man with a complex past. I became a symbol of change and growth for those that know me. It’s been five years since I’ve been released after 18 years in prison and have been doing well.
I have enjoyed traveling the country and now have a son. My writing has been consistent and an inspiration to others who want to process the past, showing others how to pick up after a fall. It has not been easy rebuilding my life, but it has also not been impossible. Looking back, the best advice I can offer others is that it all starts with what’s inside of you. You must believe in yourself, do the hard work, and dream big. Anything is possible. I was once caged. I took a creative writing class through Indiana Prison Writers Workshop, and that sparked my ability to write, and it was something I was good at. After five years of freedom, I’m doing more than alright.
